The part before the meal felt like it went on for hours, which it may well have. There are a lot of prayers over wine and food, and a lot of lengthy explanations of passover and sections to read and I'm sure he was using some really old book with stilted language. The other problem was that he gave my great grandfather Hymie a lot of the reading. But, as a an immigrant from Russia, he spoke fluent Yiddish and would read from his own Yiddish Haggadah(prayer book). And it wasn't fun Yiddish words like Meshuggah and Oy Vey.
And the food which is never great was really bad. Leon's wife at the time, Annie, was a horrible cook. The stories of burnt birthday cakes were legendary. She would put out Gefilte Fish which is an already nasty fish loaf in some kind of Jelly. Usually people do something to spruce it up like adding veggies; Annie would plop it from the jar into a bowl, the jelly dripping over the sides of the bowl. Charrosets is an already thick combination of walnuts and various fruit it's supposed to represent mortar and hers did a good job of that.
And of course there was always the grownup drama that wouldn't make much sense. Leon and Annie were on their way to a very bitter divorce and as I look back I remember all of the sniping and sideways glances at each other. My mother would drink way to much Kosher wine and start arguing with everyone.
As I got older the Seder got smaller and my dad would lead it with just my mom and her immediate family(mother, sister, brother in-law) and us. My dad's Jewish experience was minimal, his mother celebrated Christmas and he spent about a month practicing for his Bar Mitzvah which he read in transliteration rather than taking the more traditional 3 years to learn Hebrew. But it was fun and quick. He'd pick his way through the Hagaddah, sometimes skipping parts accidentally. Everyone would laugh and have a good time(except my mother who still drank too much).
Somehow despite all those bad years Passover is one of the few holidays along with Yom Kippur and Hannukah that I observe. I always keep Pasover kosher(no leavening or flour). If I had my way I'd have a seder every year;I've tried to have a seder most years. But I'm convinced it's become cursed.
I know, sounds nuts, but let me explain. We did manage to have one or two in the first house we owned. They were small but fun. But then came the string. We planned one but my father in-law was in the final stages of a terminal lung disease. The next years Lisa's mom was fighting brain cancer and Lisa was back east helping out.
We layed off a few years but planned a big one a couple of years later. We even printed invitations, bought a new dishwasher, fixed a long broken oven and invited Lisa's mom to come out. The day before Passover Lisa's mom wanted tea and somehow a burner was left on, and some cleaning fluid got placed on top and we had a massive kitchen fire and ended up selling that house and moving. We spent the week of passover in a hotel eating out every night. You'd be amazed at how hard it is to keep Passover Kosher eatign out every day; no tortillas, pizza, bread, soups with flour, pasta etc.
Okay so here we are in 2014. Lisa's mom was diagnosed with another brain tumor but she was doing okay with Chemo. My mom had been pretty sick but was doing better; we were in a lull. We started planning another Seder. We were pretty excited and on the day we were going to send out an Evite....Lisa got the call that her mom was in bad shape; not talking or eating. Not able to get out of bed. So we threw Lisa on a plane and she'll be there for at least another few weeks.
As for me I managed to buy some Whole Foods Matzo Ball soup and I'll probably have some lamb chops. No Seder yet again. Maybe I'll read some Jewish Literature like Isaac Bashevis Singer or Sholem Alechem. Maybe my dog Harry will get a few matzo balls and read the 4 questions to me.
Seders usually end with the phrase "Next year in Jerusalem". I'll settle for "Next year in my home."
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