Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Quick updates

Nothing much going on today. My mom's back is hurting so she was pretty much laying downstairs all day. I cleaned the toilets which were beyond gross; I think I need to hire them a cleaning person. I had opened the kitchen window yesterday which is behind the sink...He couldn't close it because he's shrunk so much from age he couldn't reach.

I talked with my wife yesterday who is in New Hampshire taking care of her mom who was just diagnosed with a brain tumor. She thinks she may stay there for 3-6 months so there's that to look forward to. I'm not sure how I feel about that. She did it a couple times before when her parents were sick a few years ago and while it sounded like it'd be fun it was mostly just boring. Maybe I'll take some classes.

There a rain storm here and the way they're talking about it on the news you'd think it was Hurricane Sandy. This would be a light spring rain in Seattle and it's really warm.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Marin what has become of ye

Just a quick sidebar on Marin Coounty. Marin has akways been a town of wealthy self involved people but the level of entitlement here has become shocking. Over and over I've seen well off women not even acknowleging sales people baristas etc.

The driving here is insane now. People tailgate at will I've had more than one BMW come up right to my bumper in the slow lane(I have infirmed old people inside stupid) and honk at me. I've seen at least dozen fancy cars stop in the middle of parking lanes to let perfectly healthy people off.

After I'd carefully brought the car around  and parked next to the curb to let my parents in I couldn't get out of the driveway because a guy in a Mercedes stopped exactly in the middle of the driveway to let out four people. My mom who has rages started waving and shaking her arms; I tooted my horn. The guy finally started moving and then sped around the lot to block the driveway I was now on so he could laugh at us and mock my mom's hand waving.

Every other store around here is a beauty salone or overpriced restaurant. Everyone looks like they spend 8 hours a day doing pilates. It's making me a little embarassed that I'm from here.

Mr Clean

I started on the cleaning today which feels more like triage than actual cleaning. The worst area was the kitchen so that was mission one.  The floor is linoleum and I honestly couldn't tell the difference between the worn condition of the floor or grease or dirt. I'm still not sure I got it all but it looks better. There must have been months worth of grease and splatters on everything, particularly the oven and stove which I managed to clean. I spent two hours in just that small kitchen and I wouldn't really call it clean but less dirty. My parents were pleased though.

The next step was to make some surfaces appear and do the dusting. There was a coffee table with tons of little chatchkies on it and it took 45 minutes to clear it off before I could dust. But now at least it doesn't look so crazy when you first walk in.

I realized just how much work my dad does, he's constantly going downstairs to bring her food etc. But he also does have some routines he likes which I think is good. He go goes to the store several different times a week and I realized it lets him get out of the house. I think he's doing pretty good for an 82 year old guy with a replaced knee and a half dozen stents(knock wood).

I spent some time trying to think of it from their perspective today rather than as an outsider which I really am for now. While I think my dad is fairly happy because he has his routines I think my mom is deeply sad. She's always been a bit depressive; the alchohol adds to it I'm sure. But I realized that there's almost not a moment of the day when she's not yelling or complaining. And while I think that's hard on my dad I also realize that she's trapped in her own body in some way. She had the stroke 15 years ago, her lungs don't work without oxygen tanks and she's got a huge monkey on her back. it's tough. So while I think it's just a drop in the bucket, my being there gives her something to enjoy.

March is both their birthdays so I'm going to to try and surprise them with something, probably a nice meal in a restaurant they like. I feel so guilty and sad for how their late years are. (sigh)

Had an awesome dinner at an Indian Chaat house Had a mushroom dosa and  pani puri. Really delicious. I also mamaged to get the Animal Fries from in And Out that I've literally been dreaming of for weeks.

Lotus Chaat Cafe

Monday, February 24, 2014

Day Off?

After sort of being immersed in the constant noise and chaos I elected to take today off for myself. I spent time wandering around Marin, checking out a couple of stores and restaurants.

There's always been a large Hispanic population in San Rafael(the town in Marin County where I grew up). But it's big enough to rate it's own very large super market called Mi Pueblo. It's a very cool store Kind of like H-Mart but for hispanic food. They have several different food kiosks with everything from Tortas to tacos. Very cool store.

For lunch I got almond pressed duck at a place called Yet Wah. It's something that I had on my bucket list for this trip and it's really good. It's a duck breast covered with an almond paste and then cooked so that it's crunchy. I've never seen it on menus in Seattle and it's good.

When I got back to the car I had several missed calls from an Oxnard Califorrnia number which confused me. There was also a garbled voice mail. I had a bad feeling about it but I got in the car anyway. Just as I was in traffic I got a call from my dad; California has strict no hands rules so I quickly pulled into a garage. His call was garbled and I all I heard was Mom, fall firemen. Great. The one day I take off and there's an emergency and they can't get a hold of me.

When I finally reached im It turned out my mom had fallen and he'd tried to call me(the two calls and voicemail). I tried to ask him why I was seeing this odd number but I couldn't get him to comprehend that at all. He just kept saying that my phone was garbled. I need to make sure I keep my ringer on from now on.

Heading there for dinner tonight so we'll see how mom is. Apparently she falls down frequently and since my dad is 81 he can't pick her up himself. It's usually not a lingering problem and I supposed the Fire Dept wouldn't have released her if they thought she's broken something or had had a stroke. I'll see when I get there

Sunday, February 23, 2014

duck and cover

Today was the day I was dreading a little(can you dread something a little?). It was the first day to leave the house to go to lunch. It's always beena bit of a production in the past between my mom's stroke and my dad'd bad knee. But it's worse now because she's on oxygen and I've been very worried that I wouldn't set the tank properly. My sister has always done this in the past.

It went okay, the only small hiccup was that I was in the middle of reading the instructions and tightening screws on the tank and my mom was rambling like she often does. I asked her to be quiet for a second and she started shaking her arms like a 2 year old having a tantrum. My dad says she does that a lot; so that's another thing to watch out for.I did manage to get the tank on without blowing anyone up or strangline her fro lack of oxygen.

Lunch went okay but her temper really gets the better of her. The restaurant we were in is in a mall and has an entrance on two sides. Every time someone would come in one door heading to the other door she's loudly say"they're just walking through"; even if they were actually stopping to look at the menu. This place also has a butcher shop and she was having a hard time paying. There was a youngish woman who was trying very hard but was getting frustrated with mom so I tried to help by counting out the money and repeating the names of things. We had this odd moment where she looked directly in my eyes with this look of sympathy and gratitude and 'm sure I looked like a WWII prisoner looking at a Red Cross advisor with a look of despair."

But the lunch went okay, nobody passed out, or had nose bleeds(I'm toldI can look forward to that). Tomorrow I'm going to try do do some cleaning.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Sigh

My parents are old.Old and infirmed. in addition to alchoholism, mom 's a stroke survivor who is also on oxygen from some unspecified lung ailment. I'm home for a few weeks to take care  of hem while my sister is away.

The firstit thing I notice is how filthy the house is.Stains on the carpet odd smells, cluttered kitchen. My mother is excited and makes shrimp cocktail but I don't eat it because the glass is filthy and the fork is sticky. Her speech is worse than ever, she's recently started drinking again. My dad has a hard time understanding her but she's convincd he has altzheimers. Everytime he asks her to repeat herself she sheakes her head like he's crazy.
I always knew this growing up, But I've come to the realization of my mother can actually be a very cruel person. my dad is one of the nicest people in the world. but my mother is constantly say mean and terrible things about him. I don't think in the few visits I've had over the last year I heard her say a single loving or nice thing to him.